Written by Marie Rimmer
I know there are a lot of moms who have looked this way with their child or children in the background seeking their every piece of attention and necessary help. And I know I am this mom today. Being a mother can be an exciting journey. You get to go through the pregnancy phase and feel the baby growing and kicking inside of you. You get to live in your imagination of baby names, the clothes they will wear, if it is a boy or girl or maybe twins. You get to live in that happy place, but once that place is gone you have to live in the real world. Now you have to deal with this human that needs all of you because they cannot do for themselves, not until they are older anyway. So of course...
you stick to your motherly duties and you start giving them what they need. Cook for them to eat, clean for them to have a nice safe environment to live in, wash them and their clothes so they can be clean. You even teach them. How to walk, talk, count, understand, and all of the above. But then who is giving you what you need as a mom? Yes, you can get "Help" but what good is that when you need more? What do I mean? Look at all of what you have to do for children and the house so that everything can be maintained and have some type of balance. But when it comes time for you, what are you getting? Who is doing for you? Are you? Do you get to take care of your needs after you have taken care of the needs of others? As a mother, this is very important.
Let's run-down the list of what most moms have to do...
3)Work, either from home or outside the home
4)Go to school
6)Breastfeed or bottle feed
7)Do grocery shopping
8)Get kids to school if they are of age to go
9)Get kids to babysitters so she can go to work
10)Get kids washed, dressed, comb hair, feed them food
and the list can go on forever. Now, yeah I know you all may be saying "But that is what a mother is suppose to do." Ok, true but then what is a mother suppose to do for herself? Why is it when we have kids, there is this belief that our lives end because of it? Why does that have to be? Who said my life has to halt completely because I have children now? So, I am not supposed to take care of my own needs? and if I do that makes me selfish? How? Do you know what amount of energy it takes to do all of these things within 1 day let alone 1 hour of doing half of these things? Do you know what it takes to have to do all of this first for others only for it never to really halt or stop or even slow down within a day? and do you know how many women are doing this ALONE by themselves in the house? And let's not go to the house with partners in them, and the woman still has to do the majority. Why is it that we are told we have to suck it up and just realize we are moms now and this is our life? So if I want a day or a few days or even a week to myself and alone, am I selfish for it? Am I selfish for wanting that for myself? NO, I AM NOT!
It takes a great amount of time, efforts, body strength and more to do these things and many times we are running on fumes, so because we ask for a BREAK! or a moment to gather ourselves, we are all of a sudden selfish and need to understand that's just motherhood, NO! you need to understand there is nothing that claims motherhood means the life of that woman is over and she is no longer allowed to enjoy herself or take care of herself or just have that private time she needs. There is not a law book that says,"Once you become a mom forget it honey your life is over." Show it to me. What is happening is too many people are selfish and don't want to help us mothers. Yep, that's right, I said it. Too many people believe "Those are your kids and if you wanted free time you should not have had them." EXCUSE ME!! So, now I am being told that having kids should have been an ultimatum of me asking myself " hmm kids or free time kids or free time?" Are you serious? So, not only am I being told I am selfish for wanting to have my time and just have moments to do what I want to do, I am being told I should have never had kids if I wanted to do that. So, what happened to people caring enough to help and assist, what happened to all those sayings when we were pregnant" If you need me I'm here for you, I will babysit for you." Oh, now it is silence and crickets.
Yes, I am a mom, yes I take care of all the kids, yes I do a lot of things in a day, week, month, year. But YES! I too matter and also need those moments to rest and have my times to do what I want for myself. If I want to watch a movie, I can if I want to go to a spa I will, if I want to sit naked and eat ice cream binge watching Netflix, I can. What a mother wants to do that involves resting, relaxing, gathering her thoughts, spirits, and energy back to 100% is not her being selfish, it is her taking care of herself so she can get back into taking care of her kids and others. We are not robots, we are not mechanically made, we are not electronic and can't just go plug ourselves in and recharge. We too need to get breaks, we need to get our free time and it does not make us selfish or mean we don't love our kids, we are still loving, caring, nurturing and awesome moms but we cannot be that if we are breaking down piece by piece. We need rest too and we matter too and stop telling us we are selfish for wanting our free time and wanting to have our moments to ourselves. I am not selfish for taking care of me.
Here is where you will find my mind on a page. I will be sharing with you many blog posts of many topics. So be prepared for the ride of excitement and inspiration. Enjoy and leave some comments before you leave, I love to hear what you thought about my words.